I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
