Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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