I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
