My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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