i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
