So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
