The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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