i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
