I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
