I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
