I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
