Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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