I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
