Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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