I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
