I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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