I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
