so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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