I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
