well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize