direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
