So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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