he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
