she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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