How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
