I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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