Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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