yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
