that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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