I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize