Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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