I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
