I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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