If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
