honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Randomize
