We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it glows. i had to have it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
