i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Holy sore nipples Batman
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
