I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
