i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
porn star boner night. come get it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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