I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Found the puke drawer
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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