The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I love you. Go after that dick
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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