you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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