Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
