At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
