I want to make a zoo with you.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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