dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
