She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
