Define "chronic" masturbator.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
