the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
