so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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