He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
