Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
