I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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