you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
