ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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