Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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