I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
