The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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