Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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