My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
