Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
