Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
