waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
