it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
