Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
