Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
