what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
