her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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