I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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