it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
