do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
