I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we're making bets on your personal life
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
