i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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