Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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