Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
