i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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