he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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