Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
