I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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